How to politely deal with people who get college drunk at a casino and accuse ATM's of being pyramid schemes

Dear Mr. Poole,

Thank you for the email regarding your recent ATM withdrawals. Our records indicate that the two transactions you mentioned in your message occurred on the same day but the attempts were separated by more than an hour. If you still wish to dispute one of the withdrawals, please let us know at your earliest convenience.

Thank you for trusting USAA and the opportunity to serve all your financial needs.

Thank you,
USAA

Notification sent to: stuart.poole@work.com